I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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