Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
