I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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