We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just cut my nipple shaving
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
