What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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