shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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