i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
