You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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