i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
