Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You can't just leave with hair like that
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
