Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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