I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
