he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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