State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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