How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
