my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize