im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
