you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
