Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
