Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize