Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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