If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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