Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
