don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize