so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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