when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
