Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
