I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
