he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
