Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
