With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
