Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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