Don't make out with my wife yet
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
meet me or not, i'm out of control
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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