dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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