last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
