You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
