yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
