did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
People with herpes should wear stickers.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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