youre lurking in front of me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
