i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I think i got beer on your cat.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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