Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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