I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
