i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
