No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
