Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
