Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just high enough for therapy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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