Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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