I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
