Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
