i just wanna soil my oats bro
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
