I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
