taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
