Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
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If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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