I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize