She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
