HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just had sex bonerless
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
